Turning Twelve Sayings

I have an identity crisis. I discovered it suddenly sitting in a pseudo garden, reading the book and inhibiting some stubborn tears.
Here I understood (finally?), Gathered from all these emotions inside of me is nothing less than just such a crisis.

I do not know who I am, where I am or where I'm going ...

I read recently, like three very different books:

First:



a story about 16 year old girl who died of leukemia and tries to spend what it will be missed .. The story as much about life as about death. Very true and in no way sugary.
Because only 16 years old on your list can have sex, drugs and getting drunk ..

But even this 16 year old is perfectly wiedziaal KIM and knew for sure what he wants.

Second:



fragment of life 16 year old boyfriend, who according to the cover of Asperger syndrome is
and his world is incredibly different from our world (though devastatingly logical to me)

And as you probably guessed it handicapped boy, do not touch, intolerant, yellow and brown and calm in my head calculates complex mathematical tasks, the perfect boy KIM is and know what he wants from life.

Third:



Well, probably all know what it is. And in case someone does not know how this is a story of searching for each other by a certain American writer.
Do I write that this writer know Who I am and what he wants?

Now I - I DO NOT KNOW.

I do not know what I am doing in the UK, do not know how wyhowywac children, I do not know what to do with each other.

not want to work in a hospital, especially in English and nothing else do not know. I do not want to live this life as it is now because it sucks me and destroys. I do not want to pretend, zejestem someone who I'm not. I want to begin to live alone. I want to feel more and really.
got to the point that five times a day telling myself that my life is hopeless, and five times a day no matter what I do in this life.
do not know if I love Cliff, do not even know if I love my children as I should.
to think that I spend the same next year, I would like to take a string and hang them out before.

COS I HAVE TO CHANGE.

Unfortunately, I'm not American writer to which God speaks and who has the means to quit wszyskiego and go on a trip around the world. Besides, I have children who I need. Not to mention this wonderful guy, who at the very thought that to want something I can change the feel painfully wounded

So I can only fervent prayer, and arm yourself with some sort of do not know whence taken patience ..
And instead of something to change, as usual, I

PRZECZEKIWAC ...

I hate my life .... Sometimes